Intimacy with God part 1

    Let me just say at the very beginning that in my opinion intimacy with God is not a very nice addition to the Christian life.  It is the very definition of salvation! It is also the beginning point of all true spiritual growth and the only source of good works that will remain eternal.   John 17:3 "And this is eternal life, that they may know Thee, the only true God, and Jesus Christ whom Thou hast sent".  I am so astonished by what I experienced seeking/learning intimacy with God. It became so fascinating realizing that it was at the same time my most longing need and also my greatest fear. I am so guilty of holding everybody at arms length because of my own issues/fears.  Let me assure you that God is SUCH a gentle teacher and has an amazing sense of humor.  The other thing that surprised me is that God uses ALL of life to teach me, Christian and non Christian music, people, beauty, nature, ideas and has greatly expanded my vision of life.  Also I found that His interaction with me ranged all over from emotional, spiritual, physical, humorous, etc.  The most important thing with God is to never, ever limit your ideas to what he is doing with you.  Never assume you know what He offers, what His will is, which people or ideas He wants you to be open to.  Only in our fumbling and seeking and acknowledging our ignorance can we find the hidden things of God, otherwise all we find is our own goals.  To connect with God is to connect with the sublime, with the ultimate "other", if it is familiar and expected then we have connected with only ourselves.  For a year I taped a handwritten sign to my bathroom mirror in Orlando.  It was Rev. 3:17 

"Because you say "I am rich and have become wealthy, and have need of nothing," and you do not know that you are wretched and poor and blind and naked".

I like starting right there. That puts me in the right mindset to connect with God.  

Ok, let's start with intimacy.  It amazes me that in a way as Christians we shy away from an aspect of Christianity that may well have the most appeal to the world and that is the way that the Bible describes intimacy with God.  Let's face it intimacy does not ALWAYS mean sex because there are many other ways to be physically and emotionally close to people, but it is usually the first thing that comes to mind.  The sexual references to intimacy between Christ and the church are many, going all the way back to the old testament with many references to God's people as an "unfaithful spouse".  This thread continues in the new testament with the church being repeatedly referred to as the "bride of Christ".

Ephesians 5:31-32 "FOR THIS CAUSE A MAN SHALL LEAVE HIS FATHER AND MOTHER, AND SHALL CLEAVE TO HIS WIFE AND THE TWO SHALL BECOME ONE FLESH. This mystery is great; but I am speaking with reference to Christ and the church."

This verse recalls back to Genesis 2:24-25 "For this cause a man shall leave his father and mother and his mother, and shall cleave to his wife; and they shall become one flesh.  And the man and his wife were both naked and were not ashamed".

Just in case there are some people still thinking I am taking the first verse out of context I included both verses and I believe there can be no mistaking this analogy.  God did not use the words/symbols by mistake.  I think we need to understand the possibilities of the age we are living in. Clearly in Genesis God and man were in harmony but the reference to becoming one was clearly between the man and woman where in the new testament it is clearly between Christ and His people.  This was clearly not the relationship between God and man in the Old Testament. Romans 12:1 says "I urge you therefore, brethren, by the mercies of God, to present your bodies a living and holy sacrifice, acceptable to God, which is your spiritual service of worship".  Wow, presenting my body to God as a spiritual service of worship! As His bride! Forgive the language, but for me this is intimate and sexy, and I have just begun to scratch the surface of the meaning of these scriptures, but just because it is so intimate that it is uncomfortable (especially for baptists) doesn't mean that we shouldn't fully explore every experience that God has for us. I just don't want us to underestimate the interaction that God seems to be pointing us to in these verses!  On the sexual analogy if you think about it a husband and wife take normal physical/emotional intimacy and take it to another level not experienced otherwise.  It is very intense and out of the ordinary of what we experience day to day with others.  Maybe God uses this very specific and intense analogy to cause us to go to Him and seek its meaning.  If we go to Him asking to understand what He is offering I do not think we will walk away empty handed, I actually think this was the purpose of these verses.  I absolutely love reading the Bible and being blown away and praying "Wow, God, I know the words here but I have NO IDEA (obviously) what this means in reality, but I would really love to know".  That is when I learn the most and am the most surprised.  The REALITY of my spiritual life where I have actually encountered God has been marked by surprise. I believe the intimacy offered to us today as Christians in post ascension history is overwhelming.  I believe we limit ourselves to our own expectations/experiences and we should seek to understand what God is offering us.  It is the seeking that has offered me the greatest opportunities to EXPERIENCE  God.  On His terms and not my own  is how we experience the sublime, the unexpected.  He has fulfilled me in ways I never expected through His presence, other people, ideas, and experiences and when I am paying attention has fundamentally changed my desires- pointing me in directions I would never have seen in order to be fulfilled and to give to others.  I am saying to look at these verses and go to God to try to understand them and to "work out our own salvation with fear and trembling" (Phil. 2:12).  

I am trying to look closer especially at verses that make me uncomfortable.  Anything is better than holding God at arms length.  One of my huge pet peeves is the verse Rev. 3:20 "Behold, I stand at the door and knock; if anyone hears my voice and opens the door, I will come in to him, and will dine with him, and he with Me".  This is only a few verses after my "poor, blind, naked" verse and is written in red to the church.  There is no question that this verse is written to His children (although it also obviously can impact non-Christians as well).  The last church, Laodicea had all kinds of problems and Christ was outlining ways for them to be fixed.  His prescription was this "I advise you to buy from Me gold refined by fire, that you may become rich, and white garments, that you may clothe yourself, and that the shame of your nakedness may not be revealed; and eye salve to annoint your eyes, that you may see. Those whom I love, I reprove and discipline; be zealous therefore, and repent. (Rev. 3:18-19).  So this church (Laodicea) of all 7 seemed to be struggling the most and Christ's "advice" was to get the things we need, want, and desire from Him, and to hear His voice and open ourselves to Him.  It's amazing that in Eden before the fall Adam and Eve were naked and not ashamed.  After the fall, when they knew they were naked their only instinct was to run and avoid God. That is still often my first instinct.  Then here in Revelation it sort of comes full circle with Christ telling the church, "Hey, do you want to stop running from me? Do you want to not feel ashamed anymore? Come to me and I will give you what you need".  Many (including me) get frustrated thinking everything should instantly get better when we get saved because we don't realize that God doesn't desire a SINGLE point of contact with us but a continuing intimacy that only comes as we seek Him and open ourselves up to Him and learn His ways.  It is not His will in a single matter He wishes to give us but His ways and His beauty He wishes to reveal to us.  Our fallen nature gave us a very strong instinct to run from God and I still feel its pull, but when I turn in His direction I feel Him like the sun and it is only in this direction that I am changed.  Even the smallest steps in His direction are lavishly rewarded by God.  

The most amazing thing about intimacy with God is that it will NEVER be forced.  Many times we want to sense God more in our lives but He is waiting for us to come to Him.  Every real experience with God changes me.  I have started calling these my spiritual "tan lines".  The more we expose ourselves to God the more He loves and changes us. These times I go to God (honestly) and open myself to Him are some of the most fufilling of my entire life. I think the Christian community would be transformed if we could be honest and open up with what God is really doing in us.  It is kind of tough to get there. I only have a few people in my life who I am comfortable opening up to in this way, and it is scary but amazingly fulfilling.  Intimacy with God in my life has led  with to intimacy with others. If you are a Christian then you understand that issue of distance.  Once you are a child of God you realize your need of Him. On some of the worst days of my life I have felt Him near and intimately and everything else is really ok, and then other times I have a wonderful, special day planned and have been too busy and feel far from Him and nothing can take away that empty, gnawing feeling.  I have heard sometimes that that is where faith comes in and you must just "keep believing" and there may be some truth to that, but I believe that desire was put inside us to drive us back to God.  We can believe all we want, but God wants us to "abide" in Him and you cannot "abide" from afar.  He draws us near to Him because that is where we are Ok, that is where we are fulfilled and that is the only place we can fulfill God's will for our lives and help others. I find if I am empty and far from God then I am seeking to fill myself and not give to others no matter what "good things" I happen to be doing.  If I am near to God and filled then I am looking to connect with others in a way that is more organic, spur of the moment, God led instead of being planned and even fake.  My fear/desire for this type of intimacy can be illustrated with some examples from the gospels.  If I could have been ANY disciple it would have been John.  It almost seems like a silly reason but it is because John was the disciple leaning back on Jesus' breast during the last supper.  To be resting on Him, physically touching Him, and all the other disciples knew it because when they had a question for Jesus they had John ask it for them! Hey John, you are right there, bro, you ask him!  I have always secretly desired to be that disciple, reclining on Jesus' breast, the disciple whom "Jesus loved".  Now that is physical and intimate and fantastic. Then there is the foot washing incident.  That whole act is so physical and intimate and I can't stand it. Christ took off His outer robes, got down on His knees and began to wash His disciples feet.  Peter was overwhelmed.  John 13:8 "Peter said to Him, "Never shall You wash my feet!" Jesus answered him, "If I do not wash you, you have no part with Me".  This is the kind of surprising, almost uncomfortable intimacy that I am trying to re-orient my relationship to God around. I find the more I get past my own fear and insecurity the more intimate God is waiting to be with me.  I think it is so important in this life to have an authentic, individual, "history" with God.  An un-canned and very personal response to any who ask you about the reality of God. The big question on any unbeliever's mind is: is He real?  If you told me you were dating Brad Pitt believe me I would have some follow up questions. If you give me the blog from his wiki page I will not belive you. You will not impress me with his birthdate, height, eye color etc. I want juicy details.  As His bride, as His children if we can't prove that we KNOW Him then we will probably not be listened to or believed.  It is good to quote scripture but believe me, every cult that has ever come to my door has had plenty of scriptures of their own.  We are not car salesmen giving a pitch. We have a God that intimately connects with us in a way that can fulfill us in ways we could never even think to ask for. Our testimony is our experience of the true knowledge of God, the definition of salvation, His intimate touch across the universe made possible by the death, resurrection, and ascension of Christ.

1 Cor. 2:9-10

"but just as it is written, "THINGS WHICH EYE HAS NOT SEEN AND EAR HAS NOT HEARD, AND WHICH HAVE NOT ENTERED THE HEART OF MAN, ALL THAT GOD HAS PREPARED FOR THOSE WHO LOVE HIM".

For to us God revealed them through the Spirit, for the Spirit searches all things, even the depths of God."

          So nothing will change your life right now more than experiencing intimacy with God.  It is such a wonderful journey to pursue.  The more you seek Him for Him alone, the more you learn His ways and His will! I always thought doing God’s will meant closing all doors that might be “iffy” and hanging out in one or two “safe” rooms but the closer I get to God the more He kicks open every door in the room and even gives me tiny pushes in directions I would never have considered.  It has led me to be more open to people, ideas, and experiences I never imagined.  His direction is never “safe” but new and surprising and even well beyond my comfort level from time to time.  The more intimate I am able to get with God the more I feel I am able to connect with others.  I don’t think there is a greater longing or need in our world today than honest, intimate connection to others.    If we can learn this act from God, how to be “one” with Him and then perhapswith each other we will not only fulfill our own needs and destiny,  but will prove ourselves to be real, authentic children of God!

The Wild vs. the Predictable

While attending the Avalon church ladies retreat several years ago I had the priveledge to hear Amy Hodges speak.  I still remember because she used the greatest analogy of all time.  She said the Christian life was like a sailboat.  You could get the boat ready and fix the sails  but then your job is to wait for the wind (the wind here meaning the Holy Spirit).  That has had such an impact on my life because I realized that what I do (since I am very bad at waiting) is I simply crank up the motor!  The motor does a couple of very bad things.  First it is a very boring, predictable, unfulfilling life if I simply go wherever I decide to go.  Everything is logical, planned out, predictable.  Second and more importantly it fosters doubt as to whether or not the wind is real. If I wait on the wind will it move me? This doubt in our life is universal and it absolutely must be dealt with.  If we do not believe God enough to ever turn our motor off then there is the very real possibility that we are living a very insecure, untruthful existence, always feeling secretly we have to "cover" for God because we have not had enough experience with Him to be sure.  This doubt must be dealt with head on by turning off your motor! Sometimes we do so much "busy" work that even if it is good work we forget what is really important.  God is real or He is not.  It is not enough to believe in the wind but never experience it.  The Christian life was meant to be experienced, not memorized or talked about, only then will we have a true testimony.  It is very important that we confront this central issue in our lives because alot is riding on it. Hebrews 11:6  says "But without faith it is impossible to please Him, for he who comes to God must believe that He is, and that He is a rewarder of those who diligently seek Him".


When I learned to start turning off my motor and waiting for the wind it was like closing your eyes and using your other senses, eagerly seeking the touch of the wind on my face. The waiting itself even becomes a special time for you and God.  Nobody talks about waiting on God in today's world but I GUARANTEE you it is among the most productive time you will spend on this earth.  We engage in "busy" work from dawn until very late hours, but I am sure when we are waiting in line to give an account of our life to God the time we will have zero regrets about will be the time we spent on earth waiting for Him, worshipping Him, and seeking Him.  One of the most beautiful bible verses deals with the supernatural joys of waiting on God.  Isaiah 40:31 "But those who wait on the Lord Shall renew their strength; They shall mount up with wings like eagles, They shall run and not be weary, They shall walk and not faint".


The wind gave me a far more  wild, primal, and supernatural feel to my life because that is what it is like to come into contact with the living God and follow Him.  I am SO grateful for every new experience, destination, person, or idea I get to come in contact with that I never knew was there.  The main joy of this course of my life are the wonderful surprises.  There are obviously also heartaches- the Christian life is not about easy it is about real.  You can turn on your motor or you can wait for something better.  When you use your motor life is boring and predictable but you are in control. The times of my life I have waited for the wind I end up where I would have never, ever expected and it has been WILDLY satisfying.  When I searched for my own desires I met only frustration and disappointment but the new experiences and destinations have been so satisfying that had I known better I would have actually sought them out!  Everything can be made new. You no longer have the constant sense of control but let me tell you, freedom and newness for control is a very good trade.  Even with this new knowledge it is so easy to just fall back into old predictable habits.  Now some days are a hilarious, intimate drama of God gently, intimately, and personally wrestling my fingers off of the controls one by one as He nearly thanklessly tries to answer my prayer for more interaction with Him in my life and more of this wonderful freedom! And yet He is still faithful.

What I'll call the beginning.

I had a dream years ago unlike any other. I was walking alone on a dusty mountain at night. Walking slowly and deep in thought I rounded a corner and right in front of me was a giant being in robes directly facing me. I fell down backwards in astonishment and fear. While I lay on the ground the being pulled a horn of some type out of its robe and began to blow on it making a sound not unlike a voice. Laying there I did not recognize the sound but I seemed to instantly know what it meant. Without a word I jumped up and ran past the being picking up speed as i went. As I ran with a purpose the sun began to rise and give shape to the barren landscape around me, and I realized I was nearing an impossible cliff. Excited by the new visual information I ran even faster. The next thing I know time seemed to slow as I reached the edge of the cliff and i could see my bare foot making contact with the ground for the last time as I launched wildly into the void. What I will never, ever forget and what has stayed with me the longest is the fact that the fear and dread i expected never materialized. I was completely overwhelmed by feelings of freedom, excitement, possibility, a type of life I never knew existed, feelings long buried or drowned out by the fear and the dread.

God showed me I had no idea what the "life" part of living was, but the tantalizing possibility really was out there. Christianity for me has always been frustrating and desperately meaningless when I forget that it is the very real interaction with the True and Living God. Then I remember that nothing is more wild, unpredictable, freeing, or intimate than a real relationship with God. If you have never encountered the Living God, if you have never had the thrilling, real feeling of being in way, way over your head before a Being before whom you are laid absolutely bare then I highly recommend it. I used to think Christianity meant closing as many of the doors around you as possible and living contentedly in your tiny, safe space. The closer I get to God the more He kicks open doors I never knew existed and encourages me to try different directions, often having to give me a gentle push. The astonishingly intimate aspect of the Christian life comes when you quit demanding that God jump in at "key" moments and realize He is far more interested in the "in between" moments.